172 bpm to a dead stop
No matter how much I believed I was pregnant, there was always that voice screaming that it was all a farce. That the cosmos was playing some sick twisted joke on me and your dad. That small voice was always taunting, "You aren't really pregnant. This is just the ultimate hope riser. Just wait... none of this is real." I think that is why I was so not eager to tell anyone about you. I fought so hard to keep the news to myself. I battled the thought of you so hard that I was bursting to tell the world, and also I so desperately wanted to hide away in a corner for the next 10 months and just wait till you actually showed up. At least then I would have no fear of you disappearing. From the moment I took the pregnancy test (and got a positive), I knew the inevitable first doctor's appointment would come. In fact, what is usually the "first" appointment was conducted over the phone due to the COVID-19 pandemic (a WHOLE other issue.) I would have to wait...